As Albert gets older and the more milestones he leaves behind, I am doing the one thing I said I wouldn’t I am comparing him to other babies his age and younger. The more that goes by the more I worry, babies younger than him are rolling, crawling and sitting up on their own.
Yet he isn’t doing of these things. He will sit up if we sit him up in fact, he never wants to be lay down. These things are a worry for me as mum with autism because I am in constant worry that he might have it. Not that would be a bad thing but as someone who has lived with it for 30 years it’s hard to navigate through especially when you’re a child. As an adult it gets easier but it’s still not the easiest thing to live with.
I promised myself I wouldn’t worry about these things he’s just baby everyone goes at that their own speeds but it’s hard not to listen to that inner voice inside the one that goes “ he will have everything you have and more and it’s your fault you chose to have children” that’s the voice that really crushes my psyche, and it’s my own thoughts.
I haven’t told anyone these thought’s yet as people might think I’m thinking these things as Albert is only 7 months’ but the older he gets the more I worry with every missed milestone. I dread when he starts nursery and he will be surrounded with more children and I fear missed milestones. What I don’t want is him to struggle in school like did with class work but not just that but with children too, with no one willing to listen and no diagnoses. I don’t want to have relive that again, yet again I know Albert is only 8 months and probably worried over nothing and it’s a case of taking things each day a time, only time will tell but for now my anxiety over his milestone go on.